tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I understand Curling. That high.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
