Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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