I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
