I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
