Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
