I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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