Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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