I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment