I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
