Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she peed on how many people?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
