I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am naked and annoyed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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