i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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