Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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