I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
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Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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