wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
