so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
