ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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