shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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