i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
