just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Panties = found
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
