Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
