so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
