Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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