Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
