I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
