So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!