you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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