He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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