I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
