I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
