If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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