We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize