She's JV to your varsity
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
