I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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