Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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