doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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