Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
