I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
