There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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