It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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