I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
