hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
