Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
