Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
