If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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