my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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