the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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