I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
