Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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