Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
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It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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