Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
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