It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
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captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
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And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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