I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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