okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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