and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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