I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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