I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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