I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
