Sorry, I don't speak sober.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
