Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
