i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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