I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
