oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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