Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
