i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
