in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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