3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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